Northern Tool is a Bunch of Tools

So, I just heard a spectacularly misogynist radio ad for Northern Tool & Equipment. In it, a man is calling a helpline because…wait for it…he was forced to hold his wife’s purse.

DEAR FUCKING GODS, REALLY?!

They even compare her purse to, I shit you not, a King Cobra. Yes, that flashy yet very tasteful handbag owned by your wife is actually a deadly snake capable of banishing your penis into the abyss simply by touching your skin.

What kind of ridiculous assertion is it that by doing something nice for your wife, like holding her purse while out in public, that you may actually lose your manhood? Is your dick going to rappel down your pant leg and run screaming from the power of leather (and possibly a few sequins)? Much worse than that is the misogynistic idea that even being associated with anything feminine is poisonous.

So, after comparing his wife’s possession to a venomous snake, the operator then helps him “regain his manliness” by urging him to buy power tools. That’s right gentlemen, restore Thy Phallic Glory with the whirling roar of an 8-inch stainless steel masonry bit in a Black & Decker 14.4-volt cordless drill with a fully-charged Lithium-Ion Battery!

Ugh. As if it wasn’t obvious already, you guys at Northern Tool & Equipment are really a bunch of tools.

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